It has been seven and a half weeks since I last blogged, seven and a half weeks of drawing conclusions and hoping for a significant change in my life. I'm happy to say that, in the past ten days, that I feel a new "centeredness," a new energy for my work, and a clearer space for relationships with family, friends, my congregation and its leaders, and my own future.
Some of this has been about money. I have been financially strapped since before moving to Michigan, and month by month have been catching up. Except for the surprising news that my mortgage company did not pay my winter taxes in February (?!?), I have gotten caught up with just about everything (and I'm writing that tax check to the city right now, and will call the company in the morning before I leave for UUA General Assembly).
Much of this has been about the conflict in our church, a conflict which arose out of very bad interactions among several individuals and which is seen by most as a personality conflict. The notion "can't we all just get along" has led more than a few people to blame me for not "handling" the situation, hoping that I'd be the rescuer who would protect innocent victims from an abuser. The problem in the church is that different people feel victimized, and different people have been blamed as the abusers. And my reaction throughout has been to reject the rescuer role, to try to get (adult) people to interact directly with one another and to refer to our covenantal understandings to guide our interactions. This has made the process slow and long . . . but I finally feel that it has been exhausted.
As have I.
But that is a conclusion of sorts. And a combination of letters sent to members, conversations with many people, and a workshop with Rev. Barbara Child has brought us all to a new place.
Much of this has to do with my body. I put on even more weight during the conflict in January,February and March. I have been walking with the Crim Training Program (four miles yesterday) as a way of getting my body moving and getting my weight under control. My plan is to walk the ten-mile Crim in August, and the training program gives me some help along the way, along with another group of non-UU Flint residents with whom to relate. And it is motivating--even if dificult to participate in fully due to my Tuesday evening meetings and frequent time away from Flint in the summer.
Well, it is now clearly time to head off to church to finish up this morning's video display (more on this later). The tomatoes in the back yard are happy--I spoke to them a few minutes ago--and the Renaissance re-enacters on the church back lawn will soon be rising with the sun.
Birds chirping outside. Sky turning to a warmer blue.
